Happy New Year!
Eeek! Another month has gone by! It really didn’t go as quickly as I had hoped, but we made it. We made it through Christmas vacation. By the time we got to that point, I was ready to just let everyone watch Netflix and amazon prime, but that didn’t work because the cord that connects the tv to the wii got broken. Hmmmm, perfect timing.
The Friday before Christmas, I spent several hours in the clinic. I woke up and thought it felt like my ribcage was crushing in...It didn’t seem exactly like anxiety. I thought for sure the doctor would think so and just tell me to get on some meds. I was kinda panicked I had a blood clot or something. My pulse was150 and an abnormal EKG, so now I’m going to be seeing an internal medicine doc soon.
I’ve decided that 2018 is going to be our best year yet. I’m going to take care of myself. I started a little during this deployment, but when Dennis is home- I’m going to be able to do an even better job. With the deployment almost over, I keep asking myself- did I pass? Kids are alive- check! But more importantly, we worked through a lot of little things. I’ve gotten much better at asking for help and accepting it- AND at the end, I’ve started to be a TINY bit calmer... Baby steps, people! I’m working on not freaking out over all the laundry and dishes and messes... My sister, Chris, keeps on asking me- “What does it matter? Why does it matter? You wanted all these kids! Your house is never going to be perfect. You can’t have both!” I’d keep responding because it matters to me! I felt like I was failing every time I couldn’t keep up- and that was a lot of the time!
So, the new plan is- less work, more play. It means playing a game or watching a movie together before the dishes and laundry are done, because there will always be those things! It means as long as it’s not completely filthy, just relaxing and enjoying life with the kids- instead of feeling stressed and like they’re more of a burden than blessing. Christian and I have really been at each other almost this whole deployment, but I asked a close friend to hold me accountable to 20 minutes a day with just him- I’m betting things will be turning around soon.
Am I ready for Dennis to be home? Yes! Before I thought I needed to have everything spotless and organized to prove I wasn’t slacking around here, but I realize he really doesn’t care and neither should I! I keep repeating to myself and the kids, “Life is 90% your attitude.” I want to keep focused and remind myself over and over about what’s really important. It’s so hard though, and my type A personality has so many excuses why I can’t relax... However, I will just continue to repeat to myself- One day at a time.
So in short it’s kinda like the “Power of a Praying Wife,” or “Power of a Praying Parent,” or “The Love Dare” books- I had this vision of my kids needing to change and me needing to keep on working on them. No matter what, it just kept failing. In truth, I was on the Potter’s Wheel- I kept on getting put in the same situations over and over again until I could be the one to change. Thank you God for perspective- Now I need some more rest to follow through-
The Friday before Christmas, I spent several hours in the clinic. I woke up and thought it felt like my ribcage was crushing in...It didn’t seem exactly like anxiety. I thought for sure the doctor would think so and just tell me to get on some meds. I was kinda panicked I had a blood clot or something. My pulse was150 and an abnormal EKG, so now I’m going to be seeing an internal medicine doc soon.
I’ve decided that 2018 is going to be our best year yet. I’m going to take care of myself. I started a little during this deployment, but when Dennis is home- I’m going to be able to do an even better job. With the deployment almost over, I keep asking myself- did I pass? Kids are alive- check! But more importantly, we worked through a lot of little things. I’ve gotten much better at asking for help and accepting it- AND at the end, I’ve started to be a TINY bit calmer... Baby steps, people! I’m working on not freaking out over all the laundry and dishes and messes... My sister, Chris, keeps on asking me- “What does it matter? Why does it matter? You wanted all these kids! Your house is never going to be perfect. You can’t have both!” I’d keep responding because it matters to me! I felt like I was failing every time I couldn’t keep up- and that was a lot of the time!
So, the new plan is- less work, more play. It means playing a game or watching a movie together before the dishes and laundry are done, because there will always be those things! It means as long as it’s not completely filthy, just relaxing and enjoying life with the kids- instead of feeling stressed and like they’re more of a burden than blessing. Christian and I have really been at each other almost this whole deployment, but I asked a close friend to hold me accountable to 20 minutes a day with just him- I’m betting things will be turning around soon.
Am I ready for Dennis to be home? Yes! Before I thought I needed to have everything spotless and organized to prove I wasn’t slacking around here, but I realize he really doesn’t care and neither should I! I keep repeating to myself and the kids, “Life is 90% your attitude.” I want to keep focused and remind myself over and over about what’s really important. It’s so hard though, and my type A personality has so many excuses why I can’t relax... However, I will just continue to repeat to myself- One day at a time.
So in short it’s kinda like the “Power of a Praying Wife,” or “Power of a Praying Parent,” or “The Love Dare” books- I had this vision of my kids needing to change and me needing to keep on working on them. No matter what, it just kept failing. In truth, I was on the Potter’s Wheel- I kept on getting put in the same situations over and over again until I could be the one to change. Thank you God for perspective- Now I need some more rest to follow through-
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