Squished bread, life, and death- Trying to get perspective!
So yesterday I posted about the bread and rolls I baked on Facebook. On the way to deliver them, Sofia squished the bread- majorly. I was so upset about it. I messaged Dennis this morning and said- "My life is like this bread! I work on it and spend a good chunk of my time and then bam- 2 seconds later it's all 'messed up!'"After I sent the message, I felt so convicted about complaining. I waited so long for these beautiful children. I cried so many tears just wanting a chance to be a mom. And here I am now so far removed with a whole herd who are 11, 9, 7, 5, and 18 months! Usually I am good to be extra thankful for Holden after my multiple miscarriages, but the others? So often I'll catch myself only seeing the "burdens" and not the multiple blessings! All the messes, all the fighting, all the needs. Sometimes I find it all soooo overwhelming!
But I need to just stop. Just breathe. Just be so thankful for these kids I've been entrusted with- The dishes don't matter. Repeat- the dishes don't matter! The laundry will be ok! It really will. I tell myself that I am a better person when there is complete organization. When life is "clean and neat and pretty." No...... I need to just stop. It's not real. No matter how many times I tell myself- if just this or that- then I would attain this state of complete order in my life... It's just not healthy for me to have these goals at this time in my life.
Now my sisters, my mom, Dennis, and many others can say- We've told you all of this a million times. And really I did HEAR you, but I had to do a lot of thinking about it for myself. And this deployment has given me a lot of time to do just that. I love how time apart can be used to make both of us better individuals. I often message Dennis- "I'm still working on myself... Hopefully I'll be an improved version when you return."
Does this make it so I will never want to complain about the stress of motherhood?! Of course not. We are all human. However, I'm going to keep reminding myself the true purpose of all of this. Am I teaching my kids what's really important? Am I teaching my kids how to truly love and be good and kind people? I know one thing for sure, they get plenty of practice in forgiveness, because I mess up daily. Sometimes we just all need gentle reminders.
Sadly, sometimes it takes death to really gain true perspective of what's important. My uncle died of brain cancer earlier this month. We just went to his funeral Saturday. My aunt and cousins did a beautiful job of celebrating his life and encouraging others to really fully enjoy theirs as well. I always have such an amazing time getting together with extended family, but why is it usually only for weddings and funerals? And really mostly the latter? Why does it take someone dying to really stop and assess what's important? Why don't I visit the ones I love to be with more? Why do I make myself so busy with other things?
Squished bread doesn't matter, messes don't matter, PEOPLE matter. I want to show my children that THEY are what matter and things don't. Time- spending time with other people. Listening to their stories, sharing in their happiness and sadness. Loving each other. That's what matters. And everything else will be ok.
But I need to just stop. Just breathe. Just be so thankful for these kids I've been entrusted with- The dishes don't matter. Repeat- the dishes don't matter! The laundry will be ok! It really will. I tell myself that I am a better person when there is complete organization. When life is "clean and neat and pretty." No...... I need to just stop. It's not real. No matter how many times I tell myself- if just this or that- then I would attain this state of complete order in my life... It's just not healthy for me to have these goals at this time in my life.
Now my sisters, my mom, Dennis, and many others can say- We've told you all of this a million times. And really I did HEAR you, but I had to do a lot of thinking about it for myself. And this deployment has given me a lot of time to do just that. I love how time apart can be used to make both of us better individuals. I often message Dennis- "I'm still working on myself... Hopefully I'll be an improved version when you return."
Does this make it so I will never want to complain about the stress of motherhood?! Of course not. We are all human. However, I'm going to keep reminding myself the true purpose of all of this. Am I teaching my kids what's really important? Am I teaching my kids how to truly love and be good and kind people? I know one thing for sure, they get plenty of practice in forgiveness, because I mess up daily. Sometimes we just all need gentle reminders.
Sadly, sometimes it takes death to really gain true perspective of what's important. My uncle died of brain cancer earlier this month. We just went to his funeral Saturday. My aunt and cousins did a beautiful job of celebrating his life and encouraging others to really fully enjoy theirs as well. I always have such an amazing time getting together with extended family, but why is it usually only for weddings and funerals? And really mostly the latter? Why does it take someone dying to really stop and assess what's important? Why don't I visit the ones I love to be with more? Why do I make myself so busy with other things?
Squished bread doesn't matter, messes don't matter, PEOPLE matter. I want to show my children that THEY are what matter and things don't. Time- spending time with other people. Listening to their stories, sharing in their happiness and sadness. Loving each other. That's what matters. And everything else will be ok.
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