Selfishness vs Selflessness
Whaaat? Has it almost been another week? It cannot be true! I thought I had posted something. Did I imagine that? No wait, here's a draft I started, but never finished. I think what probably happened was that I started posting to Facebook more and then forgot I didn't say anything here. Hmmmm- oh well, remember what I said about consistency? Besides, I have somewhat of an excuse. I wasn't feeling well at all the last couple of days. My stupid gallbladder was acting up again, and I ended up with a 102 fever... Do you know how terrible you feel when your temp gets that high and you're normally a cool 97? Uff...
Anyway, again- thank goodness for family!!! I was able to text my sister in law, and she came and watched them so I could go to the walk-in clinic without any kids. I try to avoid asking people for help with my kids because I just don't want anyone else to have to deal with them. But like Chris told me, let people help and if it's too much, they won't offer again! 😜
And Helen brought supper over for the kids yesterday! The dish was a total winner. We are definitely adding that to their rotation! What would I do without friends and family around? When I refuse to ask for help or accept it, I always think I'm being more selfless that way, but that's not really the truth. The truth of it is, I'm being selfish if someone else truly wants to help me! I deny those people the opportunity to know how much they are needed and appreciated in my life. So, I really need to adjust my thinking. It's hard. I can be stubborn and controlling and have very high expectations of myself--- That would be another whole blog post to explain.
I think I'm beginning to see what my purpose and chance for my own personal growth is during this last deployment. I have been dreading it. The doctor told me to cut stress "or else". And the "or else" isn't one I'm willing to risk. I thought this would be impossible without my dad here. But the truth is, I always had my dad as a "crutch." So I originally thought- ok, you've got to do everything on your own and must be "strong." No- again I realize that isn't what it is either. My life doesn't need to be filled with such extremes. I can have less stress by accepting the help that others are willing to give me. Uff, I think I need to re-type that... and let it really sink in... "I... can have... LESS STRESS... by accepting... the help... that others... are willing to give me." Ok- I'll need to read that line over and over again to myself until it feels true and right without feeling guilty about the follow through.
Interesting that I'm thinking about this on today when it's exactly 2 years and 5 months since my dad died. How can just under 2 1/2 years seem like so long ago now? I am constantly reminding myself that my dad isn't here for a reason and so I better make sure I'm "learning" whatever I'm supposed to be and not wasting the time away without him. I guess it's kinda like how without becoming a parent, I don't know if I would've ever really "stuck up" for myself with doctors. Since having my kids, it's somewhat put that "mama bear" into me. I've had to fight for testing when I knew there was something not right. I've fought for my own testing because I need to take care of myself and be there for them. And now, also for them, I need to put down my pride and feelings of self-sufficiency and accept help. Sometimes we need things to force us to change... It's not easy and it's certainly not comfortable at first, but just like my children- I am continuing to grow... to learn... to change...
Anyway, again- thank goodness for family!!! I was able to text my sister in law, and she came and watched them so I could go to the walk-in clinic without any kids. I try to avoid asking people for help with my kids because I just don't want anyone else to have to deal with them. But like Chris told me, let people help and if it's too much, they won't offer again! 😜
And Helen brought supper over for the kids yesterday! The dish was a total winner. We are definitely adding that to their rotation! What would I do without friends and family around? When I refuse to ask for help or accept it, I always think I'm being more selfless that way, but that's not really the truth. The truth of it is, I'm being selfish if someone else truly wants to help me! I deny those people the opportunity to know how much they are needed and appreciated in my life. So, I really need to adjust my thinking. It's hard. I can be stubborn and controlling and have very high expectations of myself--- That would be another whole blog post to explain.
I think I'm beginning to see what my purpose and chance for my own personal growth is during this last deployment. I have been dreading it. The doctor told me to cut stress "or else". And the "or else" isn't one I'm willing to risk. I thought this would be impossible without my dad here. But the truth is, I always had my dad as a "crutch." So I originally thought- ok, you've got to do everything on your own and must be "strong." No- again I realize that isn't what it is either. My life doesn't need to be filled with such extremes. I can have less stress by accepting the help that others are willing to give me. Uff, I think I need to re-type that... and let it really sink in... "I... can have... LESS STRESS... by accepting... the help... that others... are willing to give me." Ok- I'll need to read that line over and over again to myself until it feels true and right without feeling guilty about the follow through.
Interesting that I'm thinking about this on today when it's exactly 2 years and 5 months since my dad died. How can just under 2 1/2 years seem like so long ago now? I am constantly reminding myself that my dad isn't here for a reason and so I better make sure I'm "learning" whatever I'm supposed to be and not wasting the time away without him. I guess it's kinda like how without becoming a parent, I don't know if I would've ever really "stuck up" for myself with doctors. Since having my kids, it's somewhat put that "mama bear" into me. I've had to fight for testing when I knew there was something not right. I've fought for my own testing because I need to take care of myself and be there for them. And now, also for them, I need to put down my pride and feelings of self-sufficiency and accept help. Sometimes we need things to force us to change... It's not easy and it's certainly not comfortable at first, but just like my children- I am continuing to grow... to learn... to change...
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