It really is all about perspective and gratitude!
Another weekend down. I had high hopes of the summer flying by and so far it really is. We went to Fargo Friday to see the Budweiser Clydesdales. We didn't get to take a picture by them because we didn't realize if we went inside to get some drinks and have a bathroom break, they'd be gone when we came back out! :/ Oh well, I took a pic of them eating their hotdogs instead...
My sister had this crazy idea to keep 4 of my kids and 3 of her sister in laws for a cousin sleepover! They survived all the kids, so we'll see if it happens again! I kept Holden with me and stayed with a friend.
On the drive home, I started thinking how I wish Holden hadn't been being such a little stinker and how much more enjoyable the weekend would've been... Then I thought back to the days prior to having kids. I remember sitting in a restaurant and crying to Dennis that all I wanted was to have babies like everyone else and then our lives would be so amazing and complete. I was so tired of "just going out to eat and seeing stupid movies." Life was SO BORING. And now, sometimes I find myself just dreaming about going out to eat and seeing a movie without the hassle of making arrangements for the kids. Where is the balance?!
I realized that despite going through infertility and having multiple miscarriages, I've let myself get to this point of being so overwhelmed that I haven't been as grateful. I haven't been in that "lonely" place for so long that I don't remember how sad it was. I've been so hyper focused on everything I need to check off my lists that I haven't paid attention to all the important things I know to be true. I even have the following on the walls of my bedroom. "The secret to having it all... is knowing you already do." "Live simply, care deeply, speak kindly... love generously and leave the rest to God." "Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny." I know these things, but I haven't been practicing them as well as I should.
So today, I had another talk with myself. Not everything went as "perfectly" as I would've liked it. But there is nothing perfect. Life is messy. Life is full of downs so you can truly appreciate the ups. And really, is any "down," that terrible when I'm alive? I get irritated with Dennis when I am complaining about something and just want him to be sympathetic. Instead, no matter what I'm saying, he always says, "If that's the worst thing that happens to us today, I'd say we're pretty blessed/or we've got a pretty good life," etc. And now that he's not here to say that, I find myself thinking it.
Maybe this weekend is proof that we all do well to have a little space from each other. A little time to think clearly. A little time to really appreciate when we are all together. Family and friends are so important, and I'm blessed with some of the best in the world!
My sister had this crazy idea to keep 4 of my kids and 3 of her sister in laws for a cousin sleepover! They survived all the kids, so we'll see if it happens again! I kept Holden with me and stayed with a friend.
On the drive home, I started thinking how I wish Holden hadn't been being such a little stinker and how much more enjoyable the weekend would've been... Then I thought back to the days prior to having kids. I remember sitting in a restaurant and crying to Dennis that all I wanted was to have babies like everyone else and then our lives would be so amazing and complete. I was so tired of "just going out to eat and seeing stupid movies." Life was SO BORING. And now, sometimes I find myself just dreaming about going out to eat and seeing a movie without the hassle of making arrangements for the kids. Where is the balance?!
I realized that despite going through infertility and having multiple miscarriages, I've let myself get to this point of being so overwhelmed that I haven't been as grateful. I haven't been in that "lonely" place for so long that I don't remember how sad it was. I've been so hyper focused on everything I need to check off my lists that I haven't paid attention to all the important things I know to be true. I even have the following on the walls of my bedroom. "The secret to having it all... is knowing you already do." "Live simply, care deeply, speak kindly... love generously and leave the rest to God." "Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny." I know these things, but I haven't been practicing them as well as I should.
So today, I had another talk with myself. Not everything went as "perfectly" as I would've liked it. But there is nothing perfect. Life is messy. Life is full of downs so you can truly appreciate the ups. And really, is any "down," that terrible when I'm alive? I get irritated with Dennis when I am complaining about something and just want him to be sympathetic. Instead, no matter what I'm saying, he always says, "If that's the worst thing that happens to us today, I'd say we're pretty blessed/or we've got a pretty good life," etc. And now that he's not here to say that, I find myself thinking it.
Maybe this weekend is proof that we all do well to have a little space from each other. A little time to think clearly. A little time to really appreciate when we are all together. Family and friends are so important, and I'm blessed with some of the best in the world!
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